Everything has changed and I don't know how I feel.
The only comfort I have is this bottle full of pills.
In my pocket is where I hold onto my only solace.
When the thought of you pops into my head,
I pop the pill into my mouth.
All I can imagine is the look on your face.

Nothing seems right anymore.
And nothing has been forgotten.
These horrible addictions have put me to sleep.
And when I wake up and see what I've done,
I can't help but weep.

Old fixations abide and haunt me.
I have a hunger that I know must not be fed.
But still, I wake up thinking I'm swimming in red.
I wake up with screams echoing throughout my head.

I lock myself away in a tower far far away.
Saying I don't want to be reached, loved, or touched.
But deep inside I have a yearning in my heart.
I wait for the one with the key to open me up.

When will this appetence end it's been here forever.
It seems as if my suffering will not cease.
Oh how I wish this could have been done with ease.
It's as if I need you more than ever now, but I must go on.

This deserted feeling consumes all of me.
The same questions come into my mind and they repeat.
What am I to do without love?
What am I to do to resist my temptations?
I wish to be drowning in red again.

This numb feeling makes me question everything.
Heartless as I am, still I'm only human.
I have basic needs but many clashing hungers.
Interfering with one another and I feel the pounding
Passion has slowly been killing me all this time.

Where are you when the rain pours down?
I wish to be held so, when the days go bad.
Oh how I wish you were here this pain comes so randomly.
I wish to be okay again, but I am afraid that will never be.
Oh how I wish to be liberated from these fears.
Free me from my bindings, and I'll love you forever.

I just want to end this appalling conciousness.
Why can't this all end right now?
I just want to be selfish to the point I end my own existence.
Why has my own happiness left me?
I cannot stand feeling that I shouldn't even survive this.

But my guilt becomes my only thoughts.
And depression and disgust take me over.
This is all I can think.

This sickening thing, this sickening form.
It comes to you and approches with such a calming aura.
You'll find it appealing.
A soothing feeling takes over your body.
You're too happy to feel the stinging.

It makes you feel as if nothing else matters.
Like there are no probelms at all in the world.
As if theres no disputes that always seem to run through your mind.
It always seems to make you shine.
Too bad the fact of this all is false.

Society wonders who or what could do this to people.
But only the people who are on the outside of this inner circle.
No one quite understands what this one thing is.
But I know, I know what it is.
I will give you this feeling with no intentions to do so.
It is I, I am the horrible menace.

Oh how I try to push this disgrace from my conscience.
I tell myself no no, don't do it don't give in.
Yet all I can think is do to yourself how you do unto others.
A simple religious phrase is turned evil in my mind.
A war is going on between me and myself.

My soul it seems to be slowly fading away.
All the shame and guilt seem to come at me all at once.
I just couldn't hold out and I'm sorry it got too strong.
I hate to say it my love but oh, it felt so good.
It felt so good to give in.